To quote someone that should have performed at the show: “Girl! So Confusing!!!”

Now that everyone has created their think-pieces on the show. I want to talk about how Victoria’s Secret has completely lost the plot. It kind of felt like a slap in the face to people who are actually fans of the fashion show. Like, yeah a lot of people rightfully hated The Angel’s image…But I’m positive more people loved them. You can literally see the aesthetic STILL going viral after all these years. The main thing I disliked was the lack of cohesiveness of the segments. It felt like it was color coded sometimes, but not necessarily themed, No me gusta! Even looking at the segment names….A mess!

Also, there are a lot of people who only have negative things to say about the show. So, I just want to say, I love how accessible it is the shop the runway look. I do not remember it being this simple in the past. I appreciated that.

If I were to plan the VSFS, it would have went a little something like this.

Part One: Rockstars

I loved Lisa’s performance. It was the perfect mix of cute and sexy. I can see why they picked her to open! I know her man has ties to Victoria’s Secret, but Lisa always puts on a great show. I think that the girls that were known for the “event” part of Victoria’s Secret should have opened the show. Those “name wings” were God-Awful. However, I think that if only the legacy models had them, they would have gone over better. When I say legacy, I mean:

• Adriana Lima, who should have opened the show
• Allesandra Ambrosio
• Candance Swanapool, who did have name wings
• Jasmine Tookes
• Josephine Skriver , she’s married to the guy from one of my favorite bands, so I have to stan
• Elsa Hosk
• Behati Prinsloo
• Doutzen Krose

Maybe, this is “alternative history” pero like, I remember the girls having to “earn” angel wings and it being like, a special moment when they got to wear them for the first time. I could be trippin’ but that’s how I remember it. Like being a Victoria’s Secret model and a Victoria’s Secret Angel were two different things. Anyway, I also remember them firing Barbara Palvin (Mrs. Sprouse!!!) for being “fat”. Then, they rehired her as the first “plus size angel”. Absolute mad lad behavior. I think it would have been wonderful for the show to have her close this section with the traditional angel wings, but have the feathers be embroidered with her name. Like, one of the most exciting things about the show is seeing the boyfriends/husbands see their partners and Dylan Sprouse is keeping up the tradition. This would show that they are truly capable of having an angel that isn’t super skinny AND a well deserved sorry to not only Barbara, but all the girly pops around my age who have untold psychological damage from the body stuff of the early 2000s. Not to drop lore, but The Angels never bothered me, Disney Princess’ noses never bothered me. and I never GAF about whatever Barbie had going on. I found all these things empowering and motiviating. But, I’m not like other girls, I am something much, much, worse.

Ok, so the Twinkle section was such a return to form for the show! Tyla really has the “essence” of VS minus being super short, just like me fr. I think that instead of a twinkle theme, it should have been the reintroduction of Victoria’s Secret Swim. It was discontinued without much fan fare and brought back with even less. I know VS is most famous for their lingerie, but I always loved their clothes and swimwear. I mean, that’s probably because at the time I was really into Victoria’s Secret..I was not wearing lingerie. While we’re on the subject, they could have mixed swim with athletic wear and Tyla could have done a Water/Jump/ Truth or Dare/ Push to Start Medley.

I think it could have

The next part…Is going to be controversial and I am gonna have to eat my words. I have said time and time again that the introduction of PINK was the beginning of the end of Victoria’s Secret’s image. I know that sounds crazy, but hear me out. Remember how I said that I was not wearing lingerie when Victoria’s Secret was at it’s peak? Yeah, that’s because I was in middle/ high school. I remember when I was even younger than that, VS was seeing as a grown and sexy place to be. And, that was a HUGE part of the mystique of the Angels. They were adults! Victoria’s Secret used to sell workwear for crying out loud. The introduction of PINK gave rise to the Proto-Sephora gremlins we know and hate today. Looking back at it, it was actually insane for a lingerie store to give stuffed animals to literal children. Especially now that we know the ties that the former Victoria’s Secret CEO had to Jefferey Epstein! It’s a different time now. Most grown people are not sexy. Sad to say, most adults wear leggings outside the gym, and only wear sports bras. PINK is Perfect for whatever fashion slump the general female population is into.

And you know who is perfect for PINK? Sabrina Carpenter! Who, ICYMI is literally being dressed by Victoria’s Secret for her tour that is going on RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW! Sabrina is one of my favorite pop girls at the moment. She manages to be sexy, but not necessarily for the male gaze. Kind of like Barbie or Polly Pocket (or me). Everything we should do should be for the girls! I also think that pink needs an overhaul from being sloppy to fitted and cute. With this wave of body positivity, I think that people should take more pride in their appearance. You can have diverse body types and still look nice. Also, where the heck were these divas? I think they would have been great for PINK and the sporty section.

Part 4: GUESS?

Ok, so maybe I am a hater, but I did not like the heroes section. I had never heard of Orianthi before, and I imagine others have not either. Covers are not a good first impression. Especially because I love my fellow Capricorn Pat Benatar. Lenny Kravitz probably would have preformed if they asked him!! And Lenny Kravitz is very female gaze. The models looked like they did not want to be there. Kate Moss looked like she was being held at gunpoint. Like this whole section was really weird and vibe killing. This is was the first time I realized the show was held in what looked like Anna Duggar’s Warehome. So I would kill this entire segment. I did like the lingerie inspired pieces this part have. I would keep most of those.

I would have had a rave/club theme with Charli XCX preforming a BRAT Medley that would end with a Billie Eillish surprise duet of Guess. Like the lyrics are so perfect for a lingerie show. A lot of the models were more covered up in this segment too, so it would fit with what they had going on. They could pay homage to the infamous free panty coupons that we used to all get (idk if they still give them out) but having panties (or coupons for them) rain from the sky a la confetti. They could have even specifically made for the show. The panties could have been a cheaper alternative for the average person. Those robes are super cute, but expensive. They kind of did this with the socks, but I think they are kind of..not cute and not on brand.

The end of the medley could have the girlies do a duet of “Birds of a Feather”. I think it would be so cute to celebrate some of the iconic besties of Victoria’s Secret. For example:

• Alessandra and Adriana
• Jasmine Tookes and Josephine Skriver
• Bella Hadid the Princess Of Nazareth, the Great great granddaughter of the ruler of Palestine in the 1700 Daher Al Omer and his sons that ruled Tabarias Safad Nazareth Khalil Haifa and the rest of the land of Galilee…and her sister

I’m sure there are more. Like the girls in Taylor Swift’s squad, but those are the ones that stick out to me. I think it would also have been cool to have these women wear the million dollar bras of the past, really emphasizing that Victoria’s Secret is open to new things, but know that certain things need to “stick together”. I personally like the “fantasy” aspect Victoria’s Secret used to have. Like, I don’t like this whole “real” thing a lot of lingerie companies have going on. I know I’m not ever going to be a 5’10 objectively beautiful woman, that doesn’t really mean that other women have to show off their stretch marks and acne to make me feel “seen”. And, this is coming from a neurotypical woman that has acne scars, stretch mark, and an eating disorder. Like, none of those things are those girls’ fault. And, the hate of these women who are openly being described as a fantasy angel (i.e. unattainable perfection impossible for a human) don’t seem to care about men like that. Around the time of PINK’s introduction, Victoria’s Secret stopped being for men. A lot of Victoria’s Secret stuff is for the female gaze and I will die on that hill. Do you really think men can tell the difference between Utah Curls and Victoria’s Secret Bombshell curls? Can you honestly tell me that the average man can tell the distinct difference of black vanilla and vanilla orchid? Can you name a straight man that care about the fashion show like women do? No! Because it’s not for them! It’s for women, it’s to empower us and for us to tailor what sexy is to ourselves. I literally saw a man’s “hear me out” be the freakin’ creature from Splice. Men do not care like women do.

Like when Victoria’s Secret was first created, it was a mail order service that men would buy what they wanted to see their wives in. So, maybe there could be a mix of what it was and what it is. And that’s why I didn’t really mind Tyra Banks closing the show. One day she will pay for ANTM, but this is not the time. While Tyra does represent the era of Victoria’s Secret that is probably not coming back, she isn’t like the older girls at the show. She is bigger. But, she has always been bigger. That’s why she stopped doing traditional runway modeling. Tyra closing showed that they will always have a place for everyone no matter the size.

The ultimate white pill is that on a scientific level, beauty is symmetry, health, and hygiene. If you have those things, you can be sexy. Everything else is subjective and based on someone’s personal preferences. There are men that still don’t play about Tyra. There are women that are thankful for the baby steps of body positivity Tyra started. She was def on the BS, but she only didn’t really care for people talking about HER size, but it was better than nothing. You had to be there I guess.

I think that Cher should have been saved for the end instead of the middle. She was the show stopper of the night. This is so biased coming from me. She is one of my favorite singers and I did cry seeing her sing. She’s overcome so much and still radiates joy to me. I think all of the older models should have walked with Cher performing. I think that would have sent such an inclusive message that sexiness is a state of mind and therefore, it is eternal.

Anyway, I think the show could have been better, but BDFFR it could have been a lot worse.