Maybe it’s because I’m like legit in my 30s now…But when I like celebrities now, it’s not like I think they’re hot or anything. It’s like I just…enjoy them. Maybe my frontal lobe has finally developed, or maybe because I’ve been married for 450,000 years. Idk.
It really reminds me of that tweet where they’re like, Oh I have no sexual attraction to you, but we picked apples in Papa’s orchard… so I think of you as my friend. You know what, nevermind let me just pull it up.
Ironically enough, my Papa DID have an orchard (and a vineyard) just not like, a huge one. I think that’s why I love gardening so much. I don’t think that plums can grow where I live but I DO plan on getting an apple tree. Tre got a fuck ass Japanese Maple last year, and now it’s my turn. Anyway, I wonder if my kid’s kids will feel that way and be like “oh fun fact: my grandparents had an orchard lol. But yeah, there’s a lot of people that make me feel like that. But lately, one has stood out.
Maybe it’s because Frankenstein is never too far from my mind, but I only feel maternal instinct for Jacob Elordi. Like, this is my child, my baby. Nate Jacobs is not hot; he needs a mom who isn’t a c-word tho. He is Mars the Pippo in human form. Professional sweetie pie. Margot and I are so close in age so why is he her love interest? I HATE it here!
I know he’s like 10 feet tall, but that’s none of his business. He conducts himself like he’s my size. Love that for him. Anyway, the reason I started paying attention to him was obviously because of Frankenstein. That could also be the reason that I really feel so maternal. The Creature deserves parental love! Literally, I look at this twitter account and have to stop myself from crying.
When I had to “do the work” and heal, I really identified with The Creature’s want of recognition from Victor in the book. Like, you brought me into this world! And then abandoned me! And I’m literally a monster because of you! Like because of you my sense of self is fractured and I’m just an amalgamation of other people, and the one person that should be obligated to help me just peaces out. Too fuckin’ real, dawg.
So, of course with the most recent imagination of Frankenstein, it brought a lot of feelings back to me. And of course, as a mother of boys…one being a teenager, I have another layer of appreciation of the story. Parenthood is a gift from God. Adopted, natural birth, surrogate, and social parents. It’s the world’s most critical responsibility. The fact that some people fart around and just reject something meant to be nurtured, is not only monstrous, but demonic.
That’s why I really appreciated the Catholic imagery in the film. Del Toro may not have told an exact book to screen story, but this was easily my favorite film of the year. As I become closer to my Catholic faith, I realize the importance of aesthetics. Obviously, not everything needs to be opulent and grandiose. Pero like, doing everything you can to make you all of your work is honest, true, and beautiful extends to literally everything in life. Life is sacred and beautiful. Even if you don’t find it that way. Someone does.
And I think that is shown beautifully in Frankenstein. There is really beautiful imagery involved. Like omg, Elizabeth’s gowns!!! They are so gorgeous, yet based on things that we (as a society) have decided are ugly. For example, beetles. I also want to point out her wedding dress looks like Adam’s bandages. I am NOT ok.
My goal for this post was not a review on the movie. But, I kind of went off into a tangent. Sorry about that one! Anyway, I wanted to share the movies in the Criterion Closet I would like to show to Adam. I saw a really cute and funny edit of him in there, and I think there would definitely be movies he would like and identify with. Like not in a romantic way, but like a papa’s orchard way. The freaks that bought my grandparents house removed the orchard and vineyard and put a salt water pool in. Did I ever mention that this house is in Murrieta? Somewhere that’s like half an hour away from the actual salt water ocean? Annoying! Also, there is a chlorine pool across the street? So, sorry to Adam, Jacob Elordi, and my papa. There’s no more orchard. But we will always have The Criterion Closet.
The Elephant Man
Starting off strong with an adaptation of something that also captures the beauty of something society has deemed ugly. I think Adam would identify with John/Joseph because they both long to feel like “real boys”. GDT’s Pinochio would also go here, for the same reasons. But I don’t think it’s in the collection (yet). Something extra cool is that John Hurt plays the main character in this movie, but he has also been in a Frankenstein adaptation before. Frankenstein Unbound leans more in to what we would call a traditional horror movie. It’s not exactly my favorite Frankenstein, But it was directed by Roger Corman, so not too much on one of the best director/producer/actor to exist. Something extra extra cool is that Raul Julia plays Victor in that version. Raul Julia also was a version of Gomez Adams, just like Oscar Issac, who is GDT’s Victor!
Kiss of the Spider Woman
Ok, so I know y’all hated the remake of this. BUT the story is so close to my heart that I can’t help but like it a little. Does it compare to the original? No. If I was going to show Adam a version, it would be the version from the eighties. Also, another Raul Julia banger, hello!!! Mi gente Latinos!!! Adam is literally transracial, as Oscar Issac, Mia Goth, and Guillermo Del Toro, are all Latino. (Or Latinx if you’re weird, I guess). So, maybe that’s why I feel like he would also enjoy this movie as it is very Latino.
Raul Julia is Puerto Rican like me, so maybe that’s why I think I would feel comfortable sharing a lot of “my” culture with him. I wasn’t raised around my Puerto Rican family members,so when I enter Hispanic (not Latino) spaces, I feel like I don’t belong. But cinema, is the one place I do feel I’m right where I need to be.
and my Mexican uncle had a very pivotal role in raising me as a child. His mother taught me during Sunday School and catered my baby shower out of the kindness of her beautiful heart. I think if I had a pie chart of all the people who had a positive impact on my life, Mexicans would take a huge piece of the pie. But I’m from Southern California, I worked in a Mexican owned restaurant. It comes with the territory. Something I’ve always admired about Mexican spaces, is that they are very welcoming to me. I don’t feel othered. I mean, bro, William Hurt is the other star of the movie and he’s white as far as I’ve heard. I think the feeling of being embraced where you may not necessarily belong would be comforting to Adam. I wish the two main characters could have had better endings. That’s something that made Del Toro’s Frankenstein comforting to me, as antithetical as it is to the original source.
The Passion of Joan of Arc
I would show this movie to my HB Adam, because I think he would “get” how much she suffered. My general hot take on Joan of Arc in general is that men are not capable of “getting” her. Not the movie versions, not the historical versions, and certainly cannot fathom a proper parody. Like, if I were to watch The Passion of Joan of Arc with my husband or any of my male HBs, I would end up with an attitude for three to five business days. She was literally just a girl 😦 , Adam is literally built different. I think he would understand what I mean.
Joan was born for what happened to her. Adam was born for? For what? Throughout his movie, he doesn’t know. And I think that most of us don’t know, and to know is a wonderful gift. But in the context of The Passion of Joan of Arc…Ok, like hear me out here. The fact that the movie has multiple scores, been a silent film, been lost media, been rereleased multiple times, makes this movie a Frankenstein-ian entitiy in itself. And, that’s why he would “get” it.
Thee Final Girl 