I actually started brainstorming for this post like 9 months ago by trying to cast a new version of my favorite Muppet venture, Muppet Classic Theatre. I wanted a newer version that would tell more contemporary(ish) stories like Phantom of the Opera, Dracula, Tom Sawyer, and Pride and Prejudice. Until recently, I felt like The Muppets were flopping because Disney did not know how to use or market our Muppets. Where is the Sam the Eagle American history Tik Tok? What is the logic of not having The Electric Mayhem teach music theory on YouTube? Why didn’t Miss Piggy get a real talk show? Gonzo the Great should be retelling classic literature to this day! Disney still needs to lock in, but I am so happy The Muppet Show is returning on Disney Plus/ABC. I’m not thrilled with it being one episode, but I think it will lead to another ABC show.

In a country that is supposedly so “great”, I really wish American ingenuity, creativity, and humor were celebrated more so than creeps and racists. The Muppets are one of those things that make me proud to be an American. Sesame Street is the most important thing in education to exist, and no one will ever be able to change my mind. The fact that Sesame Street was ever behind a paywall is so shameful I will not be able to comprehend that until my dying day. Muppets have the ability to bring everyone together, if only given the chance. I don’t really measure connections in Kevin Bacons, I measure them in Kermits and Elmos. There is only one connection that matters, and that is The Rainbow Connection. I am so serious when I say Jim Henson deserved a Presidential Medal of Freedom. But now, I obviously feel it needs to wait a few years. But the opportunity has been there for a very long time.

Speaking of dying, I thought Bean Bunny was dead. But, along with the cheeses for the meeses, we had another Christmas miracle! Bean Bunny was put back together and given a new voice actor finally! Rizzo is back too! I feel like this is an amazing sign that things are going to be okay. I mean, they even have Sabrina Carpenter on board for the show. I am so excited to see her camaraderie with Miss Piggy because they are either going to be the best of friends, or the most entertaining frenemies.

Here are some other famous people I think would be fun to watch with Muppets.

Pedro Pascal and Oscar Issacs.

Lord please, at the same damn time. They are both spiritually Muppets, and I will not elaborate. I would love to see them interact with Sam the Eagle and Fozzie Bear. I feel like they are both on that energy. I know you can see it too.

And when I say they are both spiritually Muppets, I mean that as one of the highest compliments ever. Being spiritually a Muppet is a certain je n’ais ce quoi that you either have or don’t. Most people do not. I truly do not think just anyone can interact with Muppets and have it look normal and natural. This is why Muppet Treasure Island is so good. Tim Curry is spiritually a Muppet. Believe it or not, Michael Caine is as well. Ashanti is beautiful, funny, and talented; but she is not spiritually a Muppet, that’s why the Wizard of Oz came off as odd/off putting.

Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez.

Since this show will (unfortunately) likely be a Disney Plus exclusive, I think…No, I KNOW Steve Martin needs to reunite with his homies. I know what the other nerds are thinking. “You can’t host the Muppet Show twice!” Well, guess what freaks? He didn’t host the episode, because there technically was not an episode that week. It would be fun to see them reunite and he can introduce The Muppets to his friends. The episode can be similar to the previous episode Steve Martin was a part of, where there technically isn’t an episode. But, instead Steve Martin could be nervous about introducing his human friends to his Muppet friends. At the end of the (technically not) episode, it’s revealed they already do know each other, but they hang out without him.

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Btw, was anyone else kind of bummed there was no Muppet cameo in the first season of Only Murders in the Building? I think that would have been funnier (and lowkey cheaper) than the Looney Tunes. And, as someone that has done a lil acting back in the day….the “white room” is totally real, pero like, it would have been sooooo much funnier if Stalter and Waldorf were in there bullying him.

Brett Goldstein and Jason Sudeikis

Literally, Brett loves The Muppets as much as I do, so he deserves it more than anyone. Have you seen this video? Off topic, the first time I heard the Fall Out Boy cover I literally cried like I love A Muppet Christmas Carol so freaking much.

Also, he’s worked with The Muppets and the Sesame Street Muppets quite a few times. So, I would be so surprised if he wasn’t already in mind for a future guest. I don’t know if Jason Sudeikis has as much love for them as Brett Goldstien, but he has worked with them before, and I enjoyed it very much. Especially the Carpool Karaoke. I put them together because I loved that little soccer show outside of the last season. I don’t actually care if it’s referenced in this hypothetical episode or not.

I would love to have a lot of comedians in the revival, so it could be like a Disney version of Saturday Night Live in a fun way. I occasionally watch SNL with my kids, but they are generally not interested in the bigger actors, because it’s not relevant to them. But with a comedian, you don’t have to be like “Oh here’s Actor McOscar promoting a movie my kids dgaf about seeing. A comedian is just a funny person, so kids don’t have to care deeply about whatever they are promoting.

David Dastmalchian

I was watching The Pit and the Pendulum earlier this month, and it hit me. Well, not it, I’m still in one piece. I think David Dastmalchian is going to be my generation’s Vincent Price. I think that Vincent could play Jack DelRoy and David could play Fredrick Loren. Not only could he be in House on Haunted Hill, it’s something I want to see. David Dastmalchian thinks about The Muppet Movie everyday, ok cool. I think about a House on Haunted Hill remake about times a week. Not to go off on a tangent, but I think House on Haunted Hill should be remade like every 15-20 years. The story isn’t necessarily timeless, but it can easily be adapted to modern times. As we saw in the ninties (let’s not talk ’bout the sequel k thx). In fact, let’s have Dastmalchian’s episode be the remake.